YOU'VE BEEN AROUND HORSES TOO LONG WHEN...

… shoes are either steel or aluminium and come in a size 2...

… the padding in your bra is actually hay...

… your kid has stomach ache so you walk them until they poo ...

… you go the dentist to get your ‘teeth done’ ...

… you have two sponges in your bathroom – one for the front and one for the back (polite version) ...

… you check your Alpen for percentages of sugar and starch ...

… the whips in your closet hold no erotic value ...

… lingerie shopping involves looking for knickers with a decent gusset ...

… you have no tolerance for world hunger, injustice, and people who cannot sweep efficiently...

… your friends can no longer keep up with you as you now walk in one metre strides ...

… you are the only mother at ballet class who can properly plait hair ...

… you reach a certain level of riding and need a reinforced shaft ...

… you’ve researched horse manure as a form of heating ...

… you slip Equimins Nightmare Hormonal Mare Supplement into your teenage daughter’s feed ...

… your partner has man flu and you surprise him when taking his temperature.